Happy birthday to me and where do I go from here?

Today is my 32nd birthday. As I look at my life, there are some things that I am happy about. I love my husband. I love my children. They are the reason I do what I do. I have a job that I love and that allows me to contribute financially (for 9 months out of the year at least) and to spend time with the kiddos.

However, I am not happy with myself. There are many aspects of my life that I am not happy about. I don't know that I have ever put them down on paper (or on my blog!). Why? Am I scared that if I put them in black and white that that makes them more real? Because they are real. They are real stressors and things that I DON'T LIKE!!!!

These things are:
  • My weight
  • Our finances
  • Stress
First off there is my weight.

With this comes my addiction to sweets and carbs, especially sweet carbs. In the last 2 weeks I have gained 5 pounds, mainly because I have been eating a TON of junk. I am at 229 lbs!!!!! My husband even commented today that I have been eating a LOT of junk the last few days and he was worried about me. Do you know how hard it was to hear that, especially from my husband? I was angry, hurt and felt like I was slapped into reality when he told me that. But I wasn't angry with him. I am angry with MYSELF!!!!

For those reasons and because I am sick and tired of being overweight and not healthy and not having energy, I will be doing an August challenge of no sweets, no junk food, no fast food and no soda pop. (More info in an upcoming blog post!)

Secondly, there is our finances.

I am tired of living paycheck to paycheck. We have enough money to pay bills and to get groceries and maybe even to see a movie every now and then. But we don't have enough money to pay off some debt and to get out from underneath that cloud of debt. It is embarrassing to me how much money we owe (with student loans, Discover card, etc.). It bugs me that no matter what we do we can't seem to get ahead. It is SO frustrating.

Thirdly, there is stress.

Both things above, weight and finances, have been major stresses. My kids are growing up and I don't have energy to be the mom that I feel that I should be. I feel like I am not doing enough for our family. I feel like I am not a good wife or mother most of the time. I feel like I am not supportive of my hubby enough. I get annoyed easily with him and the kids and it is affecting our relationship with is stressful. I worry when he comes home from work upset. I worry when the car is acting up, which it has been doing. I worry about lots of things. I need to learn not to worry and not to stress.

My goal is to focus on improving these three things over the next year. I didn't get to where I am overnight and it will not change overnight. I need to start living my life with joy and happiness and to improve who I am! I am 32 years old. It is time to start acting like it, so that I don't waste any more time.

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