Change Your Life, Not Your Wife (Book Review)

About a week ago, the world was stunned with the announcement that Katie Holmes had filed for divorce from her husband Tom Cruise. This seems to be in direct contrast to how they should be. Many people are wondering what went wrong? Both Ms. Holmes and Mr. Cruise seem to be success driven people who thrive in their professional careers. So why does it seem like success driven people, such as Ms. Holmes and Mr. Cruise often fail at personal things like marriage? Are all success driven couples doomed to be like Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise and have their marriages fail?

In Change Your Life, Not Your Wife: Marriage Saving Advice for Success Driven People by Tony Ferretti, PH.D. and Peter J. Weiss, M. D., the authors argue that there is hope for power driven people who may think that their relationships are not going to survive. The authors argue that the character traits that help you succeed in the business world are not the same traits that make your marriage and/or relationships work. In fact, many of these traits may be the reason your marriage may fail.

The authors argue that with people that are power driven there is often a power failure in terms of relationships. That is that powerful people, who seemingly have it all, ultimately fail in relationships with their spouse, family, and friends. (p.1). This is due to the fact that to many power driven people, marriage and relationships often rank #2 in their life behind pursuit of power and possession in business. They argue that while control is great in business, controlling someone in a marriage make for a weak marriage.

The authors argue, through personal testimonies and through a case study of a real married couple- Steve and Mary, that there is hope. Successful marriages take work to work and that BOTH parties involved are responsible for it’s success. They argue that YOU must work at your marriage and it my be your number one priority over your job in order for your marriage or relationships to be successful. They argue that time, attention and care are the foundations needed for a successful marriage. Ferretti and Weiss argue that YOU should not be afraid to change and you should use your emotional intelligence to drive the change for the better.

Ferretti and Weiss argue that YOU have the power to cultivate, grow and maintain a healthy marriage in your life. I came away from reading this book, finding hope in the fact that we are in control of the destination of our marriage. That we are in control of where are marriage is headed. Marriage is not easy to maintain successfully. It is very hard work. But in the end it is worth it.

Personally, I found several tips in this book that I plan on applying to my own marriage because I care enough to put my marriage #1 in my life. I felt encouraged reading this book that there are ways to make sure that my marriage is and will remain my #1 priority over my professional life. When I am 80 years old, I know that I will not regret making my marriage #1---rather I will feel blessed that I was able to maintain that with the help of hard work and resources such as this book.

Disclaimer: I was sent this book by The Cadence Group for the purpose of reading and reviewing. All opinions are my own.