Doesn't it feel wierd?

That is the question that my dear hubby asked me the other day.

We were sitting in the living room watching TV and he felt the baby kick me in the stomach. He asked "Doesn't it feel weird to have a baby kicking you from the inside? Isn't it weird to know that you have another human being growing inside you?"

I never really thought about it as being weird. It has always felt completely natural to me. It is a feeling that I cannot express into words, but I don't think weird is anywhere how it feels to me. It is a feeling that I cherish. It is a feeling that may bring on anxiety and fear for the future, but one that I am grateful that I get to feel.

What will be weird is if we go through with getting my tubes tied after I have this baby. I have been pregnant 5 times since we got married in 2005. Miscarried in 2005, had Rebecca in 2006, Travis was born silently into Heaven in 2008, had Jacob in 2009 and now am pregnant with this baby boy. Bill and I have talked about getting my tubes tied when I go in for my c-section with this baby. In fact I am supposed to sign a paper of intent next week when I go back to the doctor. If I do not get my tubes tied, Bill says he will get a vasectomy.

I am torn, because part of me says that it is unnatural for me to get my tubes tied. But part of me knows that we cannot financially or emotionally succeed if I keep having children. I also know that it makes more sense for me to do it, since I have health insurance throughout this pregnancy and Bill does NOT have any insurance.

So that is what feels weird to me. Having to make a decision to stop having children permanently? Weird.  Having a child growing in my womb and kicking me and moving around? That is NOT weird to me.

Just some thoughts for today.