6 years ago today

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6 years ago today, we lost our first son. In the early morning hours of September 21, 2008, our son Travis Omar was born silently into Heaven. I remember that day in such vivid detail, almost as if it was in slow motion. I felt like I was in a really bad dream and it was really bad, but it was reality.

At the time, the doctors did not know what had caused Travis to die in my womb. When I passed the placenta after I gave birth to Travis, the doctor said there looked to be a blood clot behind the placenta. Fast forward to when I was pregnant with Benjamin, I had to be monitored extra closely because the placenta had implanted right next to a rather large fibroid. My OB/GYN said that that may have been what happened with Travis--that the placenta attached partially to a fibroid, cutting off nutrition and eventually separating. As soon as she said those words to me, I knew in my heart that that is what had happened. Don't ask me how I know, but I know.

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I still don't know why. I still question and have a hole in my heart that will never be filled. I wouldn't wish what we went through on anyone, not even my worst enemy. Not a day goes by that I don't think about Travis. Rebecca knows that she has a brother in Heaven. I remember the first year after, there were several times that she would point or look at the ceiling and make some reference to her brother. I truly believe that he is the guardian angel to Rebecca, Jacob and Benjamin.

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In loving memory of Travis Omar, born silently into Heaven September 21, 2008.